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Non violent communication
From CopperWiki
The purpose of Non violent Communication (NVC)is to strengthen our ability to inspire compassion from others and to respond compassionately to others and to ourselves. Through NVC we express ourselves and hear others by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.
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[edit] Why should I be aware of this?
- NVC promotes communication skills that foster compassionate relating and consciousness of the interdependence of our well being and using power with others to work together to meet the needs of all concerned.
- Compassion, rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification, is the motivation for action. NVC is not about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving.
[edit] All about non-violent communication
There is nothing new in non violent communication. The skills we acquire enable us to remain human, even under trying conditions. The intent is to remind us about what we already know — about how we humans were meant to relate to one another—and to assist us in living in a way that concretely manifests this knowledge.
Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect, attentiveness and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. The form is simple, yet powerfully transformative.
The depth in our compassion manifests when we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed, rather than on diagnosing and judging.
[edit] More than a language
While it is taught through the use of a concrete model, and is referred to as ‘a process of communication’ or a ‘language of compassion’, Nonviolent Communication is more than a process or a language.
When we are involved in communication which is difficult NVC helps us get beyond right, wrong, good, bad. It helps us hear the other person's feelings and needs behind any blame or demand they put on us. In NVC we tell the other person clearly and factually what triggered our present feelings, and what are our feelings of shortcomings. The objective of NVC is nit to win, but to connect empathically, so that each person involved can find joy in meeting both their own and the other person's needs.
[edit] We talk to judge, evaluate
Sometimes it may happen you say something with a desire to connect with someone, but don’t get the desired response from your listener. At such times instead of actually expressing what is going on inside us, often we seem to just react and respond to things outside of ourselves - we talk to judge, evaluate, to make things wrong or right, to demand others to change, we blame and seek ways of influencing the outer world in an effort to express ourselves, offload tension, or make things better.
But once we notice ourselves notice ourselves reacting and observe our experience objectively without making any value judgments, we can connect with those feelings. This will help us go to the next step.
It's said that feelings always arise on the basis of needs. If the feelings are "positive" in nature, it means that our needs are being met, if "negative", then there are needs of ours which are not being met. Having identified the needs, and whether they are being met or not, we can then directly express things to others in the light of what we are feeling and needing.
With practice this gradually becomes more natural and it feels satisfying to be able to say what it is that is real for us at any moment in an authentic way. The same thing applies when listening too. You stop hearing the words, and look for the feelings and needs the person might be experiencing, and you can empathize with those directly, and reflect that back to them, along with a suggestion for a request.
